Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It’s anonymous!)
Dear Good Job,
Growing up, I watched my family make a lot of sacrifices to keep their small business afloat. It was hard, grueling work with absolutely absurd hours. They’d bring home work all the time and often stay late. I always vowed I would never be an entrepreneur and start my own business because I saw what it really took to make it happen. When the time came, I declined to take over their business like they wanted me to.
But now, a decade into the career I chose for myself, I can’t deny I feel a desire to have something of my own, set my own hours, and have some of that freedom. I can’t believe it, but I actually wish I could start my own version of a small business. The problem is, I can’t tell whether my belief that I could do it in a different, less demanding way is deluded or not. Also, I don’t know where to start. I have a lot of creative interests, but I don’t think a small bookshop is exactly a smart financial decision right now. How do I sort my feelings on this?
—Never Say Never I Guess
Dear Never Say Never I Guess,
It sounds like you have a classic decade-into-a-career itch. That’s healthy! Once you get past those frantic early career years, it’s a good time to reflect: Is this line of work really what you want now that you understand it better? Is it sustainable for the foreseeable future of your working life? What are you missing?
It makes sense that you would think about your family’s history as you contemplate your choices. You were a sensitive observer of their sacrifices, but it sounds like you didn’t get to experience working in the business yourself. I wish you could temporarily swap places with “Give Me a Job Not a Career,” who wrote in last month to say they want to give up their pet-care business and get a job they can forget about at the end of the workday, to get a taste for what being a business owner is like. But you list a few things you’re looking for, and starting your own business isn’t the only way to satisfy these desires.
You say you want something of your own and more freedom. Recognizing that those desires are often in conflict, which one is more important to you? If it’s freedom—and it sounds to me like what you want is freedom—take a fresh look at your career, education, skills, and networks. Could you switch from being a full-time employee to being a consultant? Are there positions in your field with more autonomy or more flexible schedules? Could you take short-term or traveling gigs and pick your projects? Could you apply for a fellowship to develop your career or ask for a sabbatical to pursue some creative interests?
If you’re really craving a sense of ownership, talk to people who’ve started their own business. Include your family members. Their memories of the family business will be different from yours. Join local societies of entrepreneurs or small business owners. Take whatever business management classes you need and read up on launching a business. Doing some more research should demystify the process and sort out today’s reality from what you observed as a child.
Before you quit your career and invest your savings in a coffee shop, though, think about other kinds of ownership. Could you create a club, build a garden, or use your career skills as a volunteer? If you’re a member of a professional society, you could run for the board or join or create a useful new committee. (People groan, but a lot of good work gets done by committees.) You mentioned a bookshop. Does your town have a book fair you could volunteer for? If not, could you get a community group together to create one? Could you propose and solicit funding for a speaker’s series at the library? I suspect a panel discussion about finding the right careers would be popular. Maybe you can collaborate with your favorite bookstore and host a book club. Or consider writing a memoir about growing up in the shadow of a family business (possibly in conjunction with therapy). Writing might satisfy your book-related interests, help you think more clearly about business ownership, and provide a structure for sorting through your complicated family-of-origin memories.
Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don‘t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication.
Dear Good Job,
Recently, the president of my company hosted a “new hires breakfast” with about a dozen, mostly entry-level employees who started in the last year or so.
During that breakfast, after telling the group that “this doesn’t leave the room,” she said that the layoffs we had in November may have been “jumping the gun” because things “didn’t turn out as dire as we thought.” It seems deeply messed up that the president of the company would say this to a group of very junior employees, especially after suggesting that those employees shouldn’t tell anyone who wasn’t in the room, such as their bosses or human resources. Is there anything I can do about this?
—There are Power Dynamics!
Dear There Are Power Dynamics,
Yep, that is deeply messed up. Who knows what the president of your company was thinking? Maybe she’s so conflicted about the layoffs that she couldn’t help talking about it. Maybe she has poor judgment. Or she might have made a clumsy attempt to reassure new hires that your jobs are not at risk, to discourage you from looking for jobs elsewhere.
In any case, it’s a sign of bad leadership that the company jumped to lay people off before they understood their economic situation. And the president apparently has little understanding of power dynamics, how gossip works, or how and when to share sensitive information.
If enough people attended the new hires breakfast, somebody is going to spread the word about the president’s layoff comments. If you’re asked about it, well, it’s a question of loyalties. Assuming you trust (so far) the person asking and think they have a right to know (which basically anybody at the company does), you could confirm what you heard. If a colleague is anxious about future layoffs, I think it would be fair to tell them what the president said. (That’s assuming the president isn’t playing 10-dimensional chess and is planning more layoffs, knows new hires will be tempted to gossip about the breakfast, and is manipulating you to ease layoff fears so other employees don’t quit for new jobs.) Keep watching leadership, warily, for more signs that you should leave this company. Let’s hope the company learned from its layoff mistakes, and your tenure there will be longer than the president’s.
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Dear Good Job,
I work in higher education and have been at my current institution for nearly 17 years. I have worked hard and am known for being a knowledgeable and collaborative colleague.
Several months ago, I transitioned to a new role within the institution. I have worked with my new boss in other capacities for about 10 years. They are excited to have me on their team and rave about my work performance. The problem is that my boss did most of my job prior to my arrival and continues to do about 60 percent of my work. The excuse is that they don’t want to overwhelm me or that, “We’re too busy to train right now. I’ll take care of it.”
I have talked with them about this issue, and they relinquished a few duties to me. However, she insists on holding my hand through processes that I could do in my sleep. Every question requires an extensive Zoom call where she over-explains everything to me. Case in point, we have three standing one-on-one meetings every week. At this point, I’m tempted to cut my losses and find another job, but my current position has good potential, if only my boss would let me do my own work. I feel conflicted.
—Please Let Me Work
Dear Please Let Me Work,
Your boss requires you to participate in three one-on-one meetings per week? After several months on the job and 17 years of experience? That’s absurd. You know it’s wrong, which is why you’re writing, but I want to affirm that this is some spectacular micromanagement. Your problem is also, unfortunately, surprisingly common. Many people, like your boss, resist giving up their previous responsibilities after they’re promoted or they hire someone else to do those tasks. One of the most generous explanations for this phenomenon is that it’s satisfying and relatively easy to keep doing the things you’re good at. People like to feel responsible, competent, and needed.
Keeping that in mind might help you find effective ways to manage up. Basically, you want your boss to feel responsible, competent, and needed for transferring her tasks to you. In your next one-on-one meeting (which probably starts in, like, five minutes), thank your boss for training you so well on the duties she has already handed over. Reassure her that, with her guidance, you’ve accomplished X, Y, and Z tasks in the past few weeks. Ask her to work with you on creating a timeline for when to hand over the rest of your duties. In your one-on-ones, or in regular emails, continue to give her regular, reassuring updates. Provide elaborate answers when she asks you whether you completed a process (sure did, boss, just like you asked).
If your boss continues to say she has no time to train you, offer to take on some of her tasks. (Try to avoid mentioning that she has plenty of time for one-on-ones and doing parts of your job.) Helping with her work might legitimately free up enough of her schedule that she can think about how to transfer responsibilities to you. Or it might make her realize how annoying it is to have someone try to do her job for her.
Dear Good Job,
I was recently promoted to direct a small team at a tech firm I love, and I’m struggling with one of my new reports. She is a super sweet older lady who was just transferred to me and makes it clear that this is “her last job before retirement.” For many years now, she and another employee (not my report) have worked on the same project, and they fight like siblings. Every time they fight, she calls me to vent about it.
She always begins the discussion with, “I don’t want you to do anything, but I just need to talk about what Audrey did this time…” She shrugs off any suggestion I make, and she won’t let me arrange for mediation or talk to human resources. She just feels it’s my job to listen to the latest rant. Apparently, she used to do this with her old manager, whose solution was to wait 15 minutes and then claim she had to get off the phone for another meeting. Is that my fate, too?
—Not a Therapist
Dear Not a Therapist,
Congratulations on the promotion and welcome to the endless challenges of management. I see two approaches you could take to this problem. The first is to embrace the idea that good managers listen. If your new report is otherwise functional, and if listening while she rants makes her trust and respect you, maybe it’s worth your time. You don’t have to come up with an “oops, just got another call” excuse like your predecessor did, but you could tell her at the beginning of the conversation that you are busy today but will carve out 10 (or five or 15) minutes for her update on the project. If her complaints have any substance or endanger the project, you could step in. Otherwise, dual-task while you’re on the phone, say, “Mm-hmm” sympathetically, and stop her when her time runs out.
The other approach is to assert your authority to manage conflicts and projects. You say your direct report “won’t let” you arrange for mediation or bring in human resources. But that’s not her call. If the disagreements are trivial and don’t interrupt your team’s work, you could tell your direct report to handle the tension with Audrey herself. If there is substance to their conflicts, tell your direct report that if the situation continues or escalates, you will be contacting human resources and/or Audrey’s manager to mediate the conflict. Tell her kindly that you take her concerns seriously, and it is your responsibility to protect your team members and ensure that the workplace operates efficiently and collegially.
—Laura
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