I called out a business for making employees work on a holiday. I was mortified by their response.

Each week, Prudence asks readers for their thoughts on the letters she’s received. Her reply will be available every Friday only for Slate Plus members.

Hey Prudence,

Re Not Really a Fan of Turkey Anyway: I used to think just like the letter writer’s friends. I even went so far as to call out the manager of a franchised coffee shop about how immoral it was to force workers to labor on what should be a holiday for everyone. Then a comment forced me to rethink everything.

I was abruptly told to check my privilege. The manager curtly pointed out that everyone there had specifically asked to work that day, and I realized that most of the employees either needed the paycheck (hourly workers aren’t typically paid for national holidays if they don’t work) or wanted to escape their various home situations.

I left the coffee shop thoroughly embarrassed about my entitled assumption that everyone would want the day off and should be given the day off without having a say in the matter. The LW’s friends could use a quick privilege check as well!

—Check Your Holiday Privilege

This is good information. Even better is the example you give of learning something and admitting that you didn’t actually have everything figured out, even though you were very passionate. That’s rare!

Hey Prudence,

Re A Good Cause: One year my brother—spending what appeared to be a fair amount of money—bought every single member of my large family a hoodie from a relatively obscure, corny YouTube “comedy” group he loves (that none of us had ever even heard of). We all like hoodies, and we appreciated that he gave us a gift that was meaningful—to him, lol. It’s the thought that counts?

One of the gifts I’m giving my loved ones this year is a hand‑written, personalized book of quotes I’ve collected over my lifetime—things I find profound or silly or thoughtful or whatever. I figure everyone will be nice about it, even if they don’t necessarily think it’s a great gift.

But someday, when I’m dead, they’ll re‑read theirs and reminisce about how weird I was (“remember the time she gave us all hand‑written books of quotes?”) and my quote‑books will have transformed into precious memory objects. And that will be MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

—Inanna’s Naked Hubris

I absolutely love the idea of a book of quotes. I would really like to receive something like that from a friend or family member. As for the hoodies, maybe they were good conversation starters, prompting you to talk about your brother to strangers who also enjoy corny comedy groups? I guess that could be nice!

Hey Prudence,

It sounds like Trunk or Treason planned and executed a highly successful block party! This type of gathering was very common when I was young but has sadly all but disappeared. These events were for families—and by that, I don’t mean that they catered solely to children. They were designed so adults could have a good time as well. I think that was probably why the LW got such an enthusiastic response from the neighborhood.

I agree with Prudie—the neighbors didn’t do anything inherently wrong here, it’s just not what the LW envisioned for their first “real” Halloween experience with their child. They’re upset with the neighbors’ actions because it changed the outcome for them personally, but it doesn’t sound like the tailgate or treat ruined the event for everyone else (unless I’ve missed something here).

The fact is, when their child gets older and they do decide to go around this or any other neighborhood, there might be people sitting in their driveways, drinking and grilling as they hand out candy. Does that mean Mark should immediately turn around and go home? If so (which is certainly possible), then the LW probably needs to adjust their expectations for this and other social experiences involving other families. If the LW is looking for a more controlled Trunk-or-Treat experience, most church-sponsored events or those held in malls often don’t involve alcohol.

—Tailgate or Treat

Absolutely. Here, as in most situations in life, there are options besides getting mad at other people for doing things they’re allowed to do, even if those things don’t appeal to you.

Hey Prudence,

Re Not Needed Anymore: Godparents mean different things to different people, so I’m not sure if the LW is using the term in the religious sponsorship sense or more along the lines of a fairy godparent. My godparents were literally just names my parents needed to put down on a piece of paper to get me baptized—it was a ceremonial role. Sure, they were also my aunt and uncle, but the role was more honorific than functional.

The godkid could easily be sitting on the other side of the country, wondering why these people want them to provide emotional bandwidth when they haven’t even been invited to visit. (Also, it’s cheaper for me to fly to Italy than Seattle, so international travel isn’t really an indicator of anything other than a desire to go somewhere.)

And emotional bandwidth is narrow these days. I’m sorry, but I don’t have any to spare. If someone asked me to provide help with tasks like these, I would probably decline. It’s better for me not to overextend myself—and better for someone who needs help to get it from someone who can actually provide it.

—Emotional Bandwidth Is Narrow These Days

Yes, I really do appreciate that the godchild was clear and honest. If emotional bandwidth is narrow, the least we can do is let people know instead of making promises we can’t keep.

Classic Prudie

My just turned 18-year-old son, who is a senior in high school and lives at home, recently came home and told me he has his first girlfriend and that he is in love. He said she is older than he is. He looks a bit older than 18. Turns out his new love is 48 years old. That is a year older than me. I met her, and she is actually very nice and in love with my son. If I had grown up in this town, we would have been in school together and likely best friends. She is not his teacher or in any position that would be suspect. Is this OK?