Dear Eric: I’m a freelance contractor, and a few years ago, I joined my local chamber of commerce and other networking groups to connect with potential clients. I was excited at first, but now I’m not sure what to do.
The chamber of commerce is mostly older men, and I’m a woman in my 30s. In these settings, the men tend to talk down to me or dismiss my expertise. For example, I’ve given educational presentations in my spare time, only to have attendees crack jokes or ask questions as if they were testing me.
One member, a paying client, told me I could “learn a thing or two” by working with him—after I’d already explained my more than 10 years in the field. It felt condescending and dismissive.
Part of me wants to call these comments out, but this business is my livelihood, and I can’t afford to alienate anyone. How do I handle situations like this?
— Feeling Dismissed
Dear Feeling Dismissed: First, I’m sorry you have to deal with this treatment. It’s not appropriate and it isn’t simply the price of doing business.
In dealing with the chamber or other places where you’re running into sexist treatment, you might want to create a strategic plan for your time. Set clear, trackable goals for networking or lead generation or any other professional goal and then create action plans that get you to those goals.
Anything that’s not part of your plan, you can avoid, including some of these condescending conversations. I imagine it can feel like you have to put up with these comments on the off chance that these relationships could benefit your business. But that puts the chamber in the driver’s seat when, in fact, you’re in the driver’s seat.
Additionally, if there is a relationship that’s being impeded by sexism, it’s appropriate to give that feedback in a professional manner. Good business relationships are built on good communication and if they’re not communicating well with you, then no one is getting what they want or need.
Lastly, consider mentoring other women and younger business owners. You’ve been in the chamber for a few years, which means that you have an understanding of the lay of the land that will be helpful to others. Being proactive about connecting with business owners and contractors outside of the chamber may open the door for others to join, thereby widening your network.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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